Listened to “art and fear” the other day and immediately decided to start it again from the beginning (despite terrible narration). It resonated strongly with me. I didn’t agree with every part but there were nuggets of truth in there for every artist. It didn’t speak enough about money, but it did talk about how many people will tell you to get a real job and that quitting means not starting again, that art is always about restarting. I worry that i have given up… but i don’t think i have, i think I’m just scared to actually try. Scared to let go of things that don’t serve my core anymore and find a new way.
But it also reminded me of what being an artist can be..a sacrifice of status, a risk of being weird. One point I liked was that Van Gogh sells for millions but no one wants him in their living room. Thats the artist reality. We are weird and we don’t fit in, but the artwork it wide reaching and feels like home. Or maybe we are no weirder than anyone, we just possess a self-indulgence in our inner self that most don’t bother with. Perhaps don’t feel the need to bother with. I related to the section about the artist needing to create in order to exist? And in a podcast by the writer of the west wing this week i heard it again, you are happy with what you did for about 5 mins, then its agony until the next idea. Why do so many ideas fail or never come to existence? Why do we choose the uncertainty of not knowing if it will work?
Another point I found interesting was the part about teaching higher education/ MA being like a pyramid scheme. It really is, I see few other roles open to me as an active art maker. And i dont think art education has made me a better artist, just someone with a wider view of arts context. We train artists so they can train others. I saw a man carrying bag of cans on the train the other day, to recycle for money just like in berlin. He was an artist. Poor man was scribbling all over paper, there were strange symbols, patterns, numbers. He drew because he needed to, you could tell. Ive been lucky enough to have some incredible teachers personally, but that doesn’t compensate the lack of support out there for real artists. Or scrap that, for people.
The solutions offered by the book are hopeful. It reminded me that i dont need the approval of a gallery gatekeeper, I’ll make my own show. I did this in 2017 in Birmingham university and loved it. Its simple really. Issue is, im in a new city and don’t know too many people yet. Who would even come to see it?? I can form a group however.. I made a network group yesterday of people i have met across the usa, uk and eu. All the members are good artists/people and I’m going to coordinate a weekly art share (to get critique that i feel I haven’t gotten lately and really need). I may form another one with artists i look up to more, if it goes well. Or just for women/non binary artists so we can perhaps support eachother the way i see men in gallery settings and even classes naturally gas one another up.
Im also part of a small group here for people reading the artists way. Might be a start!
PROJECT AFTERMATH 